These cake smash photos were so fun to capture. Isla loves almost nothing as much as she loves food. There is a bit of sadness connected to them though. I hesitated on how to write this post, if I should should write this post, what should I include, and in the end I decided I wanted to share the significance of the rainbow on Isla’s cake, the rainbows on the pants she wore in all of her monthly photographs.
On May 5, 2015 I was making an appointment for outpatient surgery due to an incomplete miscarriage discovered when I was nine weeks along at a routine ultrasound. On May 6, 2015 the doctor held my hand and told me that next time I’d be on the fourth floor in labor and delivery. As if it was fated, on May 5, 2016, half an hour after the sun rose, there was a rainbow in the sky as I gave birth to my rainbow baby. On May 6, 2016 I was indeed on the fourth floor, holding my brand new baby girl. It came full circle so perfectly, as if it was always meant to be that way. It does not erase the loss or the memory of the baby that might have been. I’ll never get back the months I lived through in a fog. It was devastating to me and heart breaking in a way I find hard to explain. I was the only one who experienced the physical side of it, but all three of us were affected. I will never ever be able to forget three year old Evie telling me a worm she was playing with was pregnant, and in almost the same breath, “Her tummy baby is leaving! It hurts! She needs to rest!” I know how extremely lucky we all were that there was such a light at the end of it all for us.
Isla is truly the rainbow after the storm. I was anxious and scared the entire time I carried her and it’s as if she absorbed all those emotions and transformed it into joy times a million. She is the smiliest, chuckliest, grinniest baby. She almost seems to be bursting with joy at times. She is delighted by everyone and everything and her good humor is infectious. She has made our family and our hearts complete. A few weeks ago I commented that Isla was just what our family needed. Her wiser-than-her-years older sister replied, “Yeah, to make our family bigger and to make it a bigger heart. Because that’s love!”
We love you very much Isla. Like a fat kid loves cake.